The Last Thing You Want to Be True
A sober note for these anxious days
Hello dear friends,
I'm sending you wishes and care, wherever you are. This is a short note for those of us who maybe anxious about the US presidential election and the whole state of the world in general.
I remember being there in the US on that fateful day in Nov 2016. The school's student center was packed with people. Tufts was mostly Democrats, as were most other universities in the area.
As the evening went on, people began to quietly weep for their losing party.
The next morning, the entire campus and the city of Boston smelt of grief. The silence felt like National Mourning Day. Students got an email from the school administrators saying that class is canceled for the sake of "mental health".
That quiet morning left an indelible mark on my budding political consciousness as a somewhat detached international student. It has touched and awakened in me something that I didn't know existed.
Before that, I didn't care so much about the outward form of politics, i.e who promises what and who votes for whom. Oscillating between detachment "I couldn't care less" and guilt "I could have cared more", I found people who do, which were most of my vocal friends, rather curious. I only vaguely knew that something grave would ensure. Something ominous even.
Ignorant as I was about the whole state of affairs and its implications, I knew one thing though. One thing that kept rising up as flame in my heart then, and now.
It is a poignant question "How am I complicit in the situation I say I don't want?"
That reminds me of a friend who recently discovered out that a neighbor's daughter recently had a suicidal attempt. Fortunately, it was unsuccessful. Still, it was a shock for my friend who has been an acquaintance with the neighbor's family for a long time.
"You discovered that something you have known all along turned out to be true and that it was the last thing you want to be true", she poignantly said.
That landed on me hard.
Whether that is the intuition of a secret affair that would break a long terms relationship, a nagging knowing that a friend who is not doing well would end up self-harm or an uneasy hunch that someone else would get elected, there is always a part of us, often too quiet to be seen, that knew something was coming.
We are faced with the discomfort of the split between that quiet knowing on the inside and the usual noisy life that we have on the outside.
At the personal level, I can't help but reflect on how there is also the suspicion that the life that I'm living is not sustainable at the physical, emotional, financial, ecological and spiritual level. The author Margaret Heffernan calls this phenomenon “willful blindness”.
It's uncomfortable to begin to see more. I don't have an answer, except to say I'm still learning to hold that discomfort.
Many of us may feel a similar discomfort. Four years ago, many people were caught off guard with the election result. Today, it is not so clear.
I wish us the serenity to accept the reality of what is, whatever the result is and however the events in our lives play out.
I wish us patience to not quickly jump to judge ourselves "I should have seen that coming" or blame others "They were so wrong, they don't deserve it".
Most importantly, I wish us the courage to feel and hold the tension in the split between our deeper knowing of what is most essential and how we show up in our life.
Be well and courageous, we all.
Khuyen
Ps: I’m doing well. Newsletter writing has been on hiatus (ironically, my last post "I need space. Can you give me a month?" was exactly a month ago) On the happy side, I just finished a draft for the book and will spend the next five months to edit and improve it. Will write more in the next newsletter after the dust has settled.
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Birthday Coaching is back!
Born in Nov? Want a coaching session as a gift? It may very well change your life.
Big promise, yup. The only condition is that you are open to that possibility. Eight Aug-born friends had it last month and it was sheer magic 🤩.
While stock lasts (5 slots left). Priority to friends or those who fill in the form with thoughtful answers.
Interested? Comment, share and fill in the form here Birthday Coaching with Khuyen.
ps: the form will take ~30 mins to fill in. You will feel better after doing it. And it will help our conversation tremendously.