Why leaders must choose powerlessness
Learning from two Felixes
I learned a few important leadership lessons with two Felixes recently.
The first Felix, a German founder in Vietnam,shared something that caught me off guard during our conversation about leadership.
"Few people challenge me anymore because of my position," he admitted, a hint of loss in his voice.
That hit me hard. Just days before, I had caught myself doing exactly that with another mentor, also named Felix. We were working on my branding statement, and I found myself automatically yielding to his authority, even when my gut disagreed with his assessment of my story.
Power creates a bubble of agreement. It's subtle but profound. I remember hearing a story from the executive Joe Hudson about how a CEO was at a office visit and casually mentioned disliking a wall color. The entire office got repainted the next time he visited, and the CEO exclaimed “I was just making a comment, not an order!”.
Well, the people who worked for him was too in the power deference position to see that.. No one dared to tell him the truth.
The paradox hits hard: the more power you gain, the less truth you hear.
Authority earns you respect but costs you honesty.
Leadership gives you direction but can limit your growth.
It's why the most impactful leaders I know deliberately seek out powerlessness. They create spaces where others feel safe to challenge them. They actively look for situations where their position holds no weight.
This isn't about false humility or playing small. It's about understanding that true strength comes from remaining challengeable, from staying in touch with the discomfort of not knowing, from keeping your growth edges sharp.
Like Felix, I've noticed how quickly your team members can shift from challenging peers to agreeable subordinates. The transformation happens so fast you barely notice it - until one day you realize you're surrounded by mirrors reflecting back only what you want to see.
The most valuable thing a leader can do then is find people who dare to disagree with them and still maintain respect.
But here's the trick - you have to give them the power to challenge you. You have to deliberately step into powerlessness. You tell people “Challenge me, please”. And then you make sure they do. (even though AI now does that better..)
I'm learning this myself as I build my practice - actively seeking out spaces where I'm not the expert, where I can be wrong, where I can feel the productive discomfort of growth.
Bye safe space, hi brave space.
Because here's the truth that both Felixes helped me see: It's nice to feel powerful, but it's much nicer to feel powerless in the presence of those who can help you grow.
For those carrying the weight of leadership, consider this: Where can you deliberately choose powerlessness today? Who in your life has permission to tell you the truth?
(For me, I made my mistake with my PhD episode not listening to some close people, and I am paying off the price now..)
Sometimes the strongest thing a leader can do is put themselves in positions where power doesn't protect them. That's where the real growth happens.
With deep care,
Khuyen
P.S. If you're nodding along, ask yourself - when was the last time someone genuinely challenged your thinking?
PSS: I’m switching from Substack to Kit because Substack is getting a bit too social-media-y.
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