"We Are Moving Too Fast"
or maybe your compass could be stronger
“I think we’re moving too fast.”
The words hung in the air during a heart-to-heart talk with someone I’ve been getting to know.
My first reaction was to calculate the timeline. Three weeks. Six conversations. Two in-person meetings.
Was that objectively “too fast”? By what standard?
As we talked more, something deeper emerged.
It wasn’t about the speed at all.
It was about feeling out of control. About not having clear criteria for what they wanted.
Without an internal compass, every step feels rushed, every decision risky.
Clarity, Not Caution
What we label as “too fast” is really about feeling uncertain about what we’re looking for.
We think we’re afraid of speed, but what we’re really afraid of is making decisions without clear internal guidance.
I noticed this pattern everywhere once I started looking:
One: Choosing an Event out of Convenient, not Purpose.
At a networking event last week, I chose a gathering with “good food” over one aligned with my professional goals.
The convenient choice was closer to home. The food was reputed to be excellent. The timing fit perfectly in my schedule.
But none of those were my true criteria – I actually needed an intentional space for deep, vulnerable conversations about my work.
When I left that convenient event, I felt oddly empty. Dissatisfied. The food was indeed good, but I had betrayed my own needs.
Without clear criteria, I defaulted to convenience rather than purpose.
Two: Dating out of Convenience (this is much graver decision btw)
My friend Sarah spent six months with someone “because it felt nice” before realizing they wanted completely different futures.
When we talked about it, I asked her directly: “Is your goal to find a long-term committed relationship?”
“Yes,” she admitted.
“Then you need to filter for that specifically,” I said. “You need to find someone who is willing to talk with you about long-term plans, who discusses concrete actions and timelines. If he doesn't talk about it, then you do"
She had been evaluating mostly based on how good she felt in the moment rather than how aligned they were on future goals.
Without checking against her relationship criteria, she rationalized comfort over compatibility.
Here's my big learning:
The solution to feeling out of control isn’t necessarily to slow down - it’s to speed up your clarity.
It’s about building a robust internal system for evaluation rather than letting emotions or convenience drive your decisions.
(which is why I myself don't want to do long meditation course anymore - real life, operational stuff, dealing with people & money is the test)
Ask Yourself One Question
After every interaction, decision, or experience that feels “too fast,” pause and ask yourself:
“What criteria am I using to evaluate this?”
This week, practice articulating your criteria for just one area of life where you feel things moving “too fast.”
Because without this practice, we’re just rationalizing what’s comfortable rather than choosing what’s right.
With clarity,
Khuyen
Ps: tell me about your people criteria, I'd love to learn more about how you came up with those. I posted about mine here this week, I think you'll like it.
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