Unspoken Truths Are Heavy
learning from my friend's 40th birthday
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I was at my friend Geoffrey’s 40th birthday yesterday. Great guy – Yalie, Singaporean, purpose-driven startup founder now looking to build community. We met six years ago in Saigon and recently reconnected.
Over drinks, I asked him about how he met his wife.
(As you know, this newsletter is about sharing on 1) making great decisions and 2) building intimate relationships with inspiring people
and what is the most important decision & relationship but with your life partner…)
His answer stunned me.
“I was 28, on a plane that started crashing,” he said, his eyes suddenly distant. “Not turbulence – actual system failure.”
He paused, swirling his drink. “In that moment, I knew exactly who I wanted to call. Not my parents. Her.”
The plane eventually stabilized, but Geoffrey didn’t. Within days, he told this woman – then just a friend he admired – about his intention.
“When you think you’re about to die,” he said, “it’s not about what you haven’t accomplished. It’s about what you haven’t expressed.”
This hit me like gravity. We often say we’re “not ready to die” because of unfinished business, but what if it’s really about unexpressed truths?
Geoffrey’s near-death clarity revealed three things we actually fear leaving unsaid:
Our deepest feelings: Not being ready to die often means having unexpressed love, gratitude, or admiration for specific people. We carry these emotions like weights, thinking we have endless time to voice them.
Our true priorities: Geoffrey immediately knew work shouldn’t be his core identity. The gap between how we live and how we’d want to be remembered becomes painfully obvious when mortality enters the room.
Our genuine connections. He distinguished instantly between professional contacts and dear friends. Real friendship, he realized, exists when you have nothing to gain beyond the connection itself.
The most jarring insight? We already know what we truly want. It’s just buried under layers of noise – expectations, distractions, fears of vulnerability.
We do know what we truly want. Most of time, we are not willing to go after it, because it means
And here’s the physical truth: unexpressed feelings create actual weight in the body.
Notice how someone becomes physically lighter after finally saying what they’ve held back. That’s energy released.
I knew it very well, after every time I confessed my feelings to someone.
And after my fair share of relational rejections (three years ago, I did propose to someone for a long term relationship, and got wisely rejected), I am learning my lesson:
“Feel the pain, really feel it, learn from it, and keep going”.
“You are growing through this so that you grow in your empathy with others”
“Don’t propose until you physically meet the person..” (ok this last one is super real, just checking if you are reading… ) **
Living "Ready to Die"
Living “ready to die” doesn’t mean morbid preparation. It means:
Voicing our truths today: micro-truth is great. Say what you truly think, in the moment.
Making our intentions clear: really takes time to get it clear within ourselves first (like my intention in writing this letter to share with you). And then share.
Spending time with those who truly matter: you do know who you want to spend time with. I hope they feel the same about you.
Last Question
The question isn’t “What would you do if you knew you would die tomorrow?” but rather:
“What are you not expressing today because you think you have forever?”
I’d love to hear what comes up for you.
With presence,
Khuyen
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