The real cost of "just one more question"
(how I messed up with a mentor)
Hello friends,
Hope you are well. I’m experimenting with writing again to *force myself to reflect and share*. I realize that I am happiest when I'm writing and thinking and sharring, so you’ll hear more from me soon.
Thank you for those who have got back to me last week about the new format. Pls keep them coming!
Anyway, for today’s quick lesson:
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At 5:45 PM yesterday, I sat across from my mentor Flex on Zoom at the end of our 2 hour long kick off session to understand my life story (juicy details to be updated soon)
The official end time was 5:30, but he had graciously stayed to field "one last question."
Fifteen minutes later, I was still processing my thoughts out loud, watching his patient yet increasingly tired expression.
That's when he said something that changed how I view mentorship:
"Khuyen, you are clearly intelligent, but you are asking lazy questions. You're using our time to process rather than learn."
The truth hit hard. In my eagerness to maximize every moment with him (very "make the most out of it" mindset..), I had fallen into a common trap - confusing quantity of time with quality of impact. I was treating his presence as a thinking tool rather than a learning opportunity.
My behavior occurs to him as being disrespectful. And when someone doesn’t feel respected, the working relationship doesn’t flow.
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When we get access to someone we admire - especially if we paid for it - there's an natural urge to extract every possible minute of value. We tell ourselves we're being diligent, thorough, committed. (or at least I'm unconsciously telling myself that)
But here's what I realized: Running overtime while processing half-formed thoughts isn't maximizing value - it's actually diminishing it.
Think about it. When we use mentors as real-time thinking partners without proper preparation, we're essentially asking them to watch us think. It's like inviting a master chef to watch us grocery shop instead of taste our finished dish.
The real breakthrough came when Felix explained that my best questions - the ones that led to genuine insights - came in the first 30 minutes of our session. Why? Because those were the thoughts I had actually prepared. Everything after was just mental exploration that I could have done on my own.
Here's what I'm doing differently from now:
I process my initial thoughts through journaling or AI tools before meetings. << Use AI for this!
I prepare specific, focused questions that require my mentor's unique perspective
And most importantly, I honor the scheduled end time - because respecting someone's time is the first step to deserving more of it.
(All of this seems obvious now, but you know, what seems obvious now may not be that obvious then)
If you're fortunate enough to have mentors in your life, consider this: Are you truly maximizing impact/result, or just maximizing time?
The difference might be the key to unlocking the full potential of these precious relationships.
Sometimes, the best way to show someone their value is to show them you value their time.
Khuyen