Start with What Is
Be clear of what you are looking for in the journey
Hello everyone,
I hope you are well. I'm writing to you from Da Lat, a beautiful mountain town in central highland of Vietnam after getting back from a small dance retreat last weekend.
(beautiful view and cool air here)
Vietnam is likely going through the second lockdown after another wave of Covid, which made me all the more grateful to be able to dance and be in physical contact with people in between two lockdowns.
There is something about rolling around, crawling, twisting, turning, touching and being touched for two days that would bring out certain qualities in ways that just dancing freely in the bathroom won't.
The body softens from all tensions it has been holding. For the first time in a long time, you feel the pleasure of aching. If a broken heart is a beautiful heart, then an aching body is a forgiving body. It doesn't blame you for being tense. It doesn't want to hold on to stuckness and will begin to let go in the moment you begin to tend to exactly what is sore.
That reminds me of the well-known opening line in Mary Oliver’s poem, Wild Geese.
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Yes, you don't really need to go for a physical pilgrimage for that. It has already begun here.
What pilgrimage are you on? The journey to get a six-figure income, to publish the first book, to get into a prestigious program, to find the ideal life partner and establish a loving family, to become famous and influential, to change the world or to be enlightened. (I'm using myself as an example here 😄)
All of those are pilgrimages. It doesn't really matter what your intention is, because the nature of every pilgrimage is the falling away of whatever mindset, beliefs or self-image you started with. Otherwise, no matter how many miles you walk on the desert, you haven't changed.
Maybe you want to prove to yourself and your previously humble family that you can get rich. Maybe you feel lonely and want to find a partner. Maybe you feel the call to live a meaningful life and want to set out to make a difference in the world. Or maybe you feel the longing towards some spiritual union and set out to become enlightened.
However simple or noble the intention is, what matters is you set out and walk on that with sincerity. "You were more marvelous in your simple wish to find a way", as David Whyte once writes.
This brings me to a conversation I had recently with my dear friend Sarah-Marie about starting where we are instead of comparing our journeys with other people’s.
The bottom line is this: You must start exactly where you are in terms of what you already hold in your heart.
If you want to chase money, be clear about that. If you are in for one night stand, let the other person know. If you want to build up an image of a wise and playful guide who makes a good living, be clear of that too (personal example, again).
I have friends who felt empty from chasing after prestigious jobs or schools that turned out to be unsatisfying. I also have friends who set out to pursue their passion or altruistic ideal just to realize later on that they want some money too.
What both cases have in common is that what they first thought they were after turned out not to be the whole story. You may feel vaguely cheated about that, or you can congratulate yourself for the hard-won self-knowledge of what's really important.
Whatever the case, you have to start with what is. Exactly what is already here.
On this note, I'd recommend Charles Davies' Very Clear Ideas process. Going through his seven questions will help you know the full picture of what you are really after.
Is this what you need?
Is this what you want?
Is this what you ask for?
Is this what you love?
Is this what you wish for?
Is this what you dream of?
Is this what you live for?
If the answer is No in any step, such as “It is not really what I want”, then you can flip the question and ask “What do I want?” Going through that fully and you will be clear.
Then the first step won’t feel as difficult, and you won’t be distracted by all the shiny objects of other people’s pursuits.
May we all be clear and take the first step,
Khuyen
ps: on this note, here is a poem that a mentor first read to me 8 years ago that I have been coming back again and again at the beginning of a new journey. I wish you a great start.
by C. P. CAVAFY (translated by Edmund Keeley)
As you set out for Ithaka
hope your road is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops,
angry Poseidon—don’t be afraid of them:
you’ll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.…
Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you’re destined for.
But don’t hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you’re old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you’ve gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you wouldn't have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.
And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you’ll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.