New Beginning
The Gift of an Unexpected Home
This holiday season has brought an unexpected gift - a beautiful new home in the heart of Saigon. As I prepare to wrap up the year, I'm still in awe at this blessing that seemed to manifest from nowhere. I mean, who could imagine that in the middle of a busy, noisy Saigon, I could have birds chirping and butterfly flying into my room?
The story began when I first met Cat-Thao, the amazing founder of the Australia-Vietnam Leadership Dialog. Our first conversation last from lunch to dinner! We both felt it was like a past life connection, with her like a soul mother figure for me.
When she invited me and my adopted father Dr Home to come over to her place, I didn’t expect it would change my life as such.
My first reaction entering the house is not “Omg, it is so beautiful!” (which it was) but rather “This is me”. The place, from the district, to the trees surrounding, the furniture, interior decors, all screamed my name.
It immediately resonated with me, though at first it seemed far out of reach financially. I never thought of paying that much rent in Vietnam, especially after leaving the stable job that is the PhD! Everything was so aligned, except the worrying mind.
The next morning, I remember distinctly hanging my clothes and tearing up. These were tears of connection, having been found by a place that truly felt like home. These were also tears of grief, of letting go of the smaller self & cheaper budget (so many people had complained about my living standards!)
Love had called me to become more than who I used to be. I am ready to play a bigger game, to participate even more deeply, especially in other people’s lives.
I sat with the tension of this decision for a day. As anxiety mounted in my mind, I noticed my shoulders getting really tensed. This is what it feels like to carry a “financial burden”. Heavy, constricted, stuck.
I thought of David Whyte’s poem, The Truelove, which has accompanied me in many of those moments of opening myself up to the true unknown future rather than a familiar, predictable past.
“and how we are all
preparing for that
abrupt waking,
and that calling,
and that moment
we have to say yes,
except it will
not come so grandly
so Biblically
but more subtly
and intimately in the face
of the one you know
you have to love
so that when
we finally step out of the boat
toward them, we find
everything holds
us, and everything confirms
our courage, and if you wanted
to drown you could,
but you don’t
because finally
after all this struggle
and all these years
you simply don’t want to
any more
you’ve simply had enough
of drowning
and you want to live and you
want to love and you will
walk across any territory
and any darkness
however fluid and however
dangerous to take the
one hand you know
belongs in yours.”
Allowing myself to fully feel this burden shifted something inside. There was a release down through my body - chest, belly and legs. Emptiness replaced the tension, but it was an open, alive emptiness.
It felt like grace has dawn upon me. A clearing happened.
This is not so much a “once in a life time, too good to be true” kind of deal that I cannot let past (think about all the Black Friday craze). Rather, it is a powerful invitation for me to let go of the smaller “live and let live” identity.
The question at the core is “Could I allow myself to feel love in more ways? Could I allow myself to live more beautifully, to be open to more possibilities?”
I have enough of drowing in the old identity. I want to live, and I want to love.
The place I live, the people I am with, the thing I do, and the money coming and going in my life will be a reflection and magnifier, rather than a hindrance, of that desire to live beautifully, and to love fully.
Braving the leap of faith, I signed the lease, marking a profound shift in my perception of worthiness and abundance. The house isn't simply a shelter but a tangible symbol of my joyful commitment to embrace change, step into the unknown, and trust in a larger plan that my mind cannot comprehend.
Reflection: clearing & being surprised.
I'm moved to reflect on the deeper lessons here about the power of clearing away old patterns and energies, getting still, and letting life surprise me.
This year, with the move away from London, the letting go of PhD, I’m experiencing more and more the beauty in such moments of clearing. When we stop struggling to control outcomes, empty space allows inspiration and new resources to emerge. What seemed impossible with the old energy became gracefully possible in the new.
It's a discipline of slowing down, paying attention to sensations arising, then letting them flow through. Difficult feelings often come before wonderful surprises, if we let them. By learning to love the emptiness, more can fill it.
As my teacher Joe Hudson explained in this beautiful interview, people often have a harder time letting. Breaking up, whether it is with someone, something or some amount of money, often feels terrible at first.
This relates as well to the process of fully belonging wherever we are. Letting go of all the what ifs, all the places I could travel to had I keep my UK visa and PhD cover and all the cool people I thought I would meet in my PhD program path and simply declare: I belong to this city, Saigon, for at least 5 more years. Likely even more.
After years of exploration, it is SO GOOD to finally being able to put down roots here. I won’t be surprised to meet and welcome the soulmate here (and maybe I met her already?)
As I shared at the 30th birthday of my dear friend Stephen, 20s have been about experimentation. 30s will be about co-creation with phenomenal partners.
—
Future Partners: a Matchmaking & Coaching Venture
In addition to this unexpected move, I also began deepening my commitment to creating a livelihood that is truly aligned with me.
After years of doing this work informally, the time felt right to put a professional form on it as well. I'm drawing on teachings from many people, most recently from the wise Robert Ellis, who has been an inspiration for many.
I work with entrepreneurial professionals with connection to Vietnam who are looking for high calibre partners (of all sorts, not just romantic 😜)
If you are one, or know of anyone, please reach out. Let’s dream & create together!
What about you - where might more space, joy and sense of home be waiting as you wrap up this year and prepare for the next? I'd love to hear your updates and reflections as well. Here's to the continuing journey!