Being Helpful vs Being Impactful
Lesson from a networking event
Saturday night.
I was choosing between a 300-person networking event closer to home, with good food with some acquaintances vs an intimate deep dive gathering, 20 mins more away.
I chose the more convenient, pleasurable option. To be honest, the food was damn appealing.
I’m in my usual element - connecting people, facilitating introductions, being the bridge.
Someone needs agriculture contacts? I know just the person.
Looking for tech partnerships? Let me make that introduction.
By the end of the night, I’m kind of full but not quite fulfilled. Full with music, food, some new stimulating connections.
But missing the depth.
Not the best decision. Still learning.
THE FEEDBACK THAT LANDED
I was reflecting with my AI coach on this experience. (I know, AI coach is damn good.. see here)
I was processing the event out loud, talking through all the connections I’d made, the people I’d helped.
Then AI got back something that got me stop in my track: “Being helpful gets you liked. Being impactful gets you respect.”
Damn.
Speechless.
You know that silence that comes when truth lands? Not the awkward kind, but the heavy kind that feels like gravity just got stronger. That’s what happened. My whole body got still, like it was saying “Stop. Listen to this.”
THE PATTERN REVEALS ITSELF
I’ve got good at being helpful - making connections, facilitating introductions, being the likable one. Always ready with a suggestion, a contact, a solution.
And it’s not a bad thing. People like to do business with those they like. People reciprocate.
But that’s not satisfying with me anymore.
I want more impact.
Real impact? That requires something different: the courage to sit in silence until you know exactly what needs to be said. Not processing out loud, not finding the “right” words, but having such clear conviction that the words find themselves.
Just last week, instead of quick-firing solutions in a coaching session, I sat in silence for what felt like forever (probably 3 seconds though).
It was a session with a nonprofit leader who cares a lot about supporting her team and ends up being quite burn out.
I asked her: “What would you do if you weren’t trying to make everyone happy?”
She paused, and teared up.
Sometimes one moment of clarity hits harder than hours of helpful advice.
THE COST OF CONSTANT HELPING
The cost isn’t just energy.
It’s missing the chance to be transformative.
Because while people will always have time for someone who can help them, they’ll make time for someone who can change them.
Think about the last person who truly impacted your life. Did they do it by being constantly available, always helpful? Or did they do it by speaking truth at the right moment, with such clarity that you couldn’t ignore it?
A NEW WAY OF SHOWING UP
Now when I’m in these networking situations, I’m practicing something different:
Wait for people to come ask me.
Waiting for real conviction before speaking
Letting silence do its work
Most importantly: better to not get myself in those networking situations in the first place.
It’s uncomfortable. People who are used to me being the helpful one will notice the change. But something else is happening too - the connections that do form will go deeper, faster.
Because impact doesn’t come from constant helpfulness.
It comes from showing up with such clarity that your presence alone shifts something in the room.
With care,
Khuyen
P.S. Write back to me - I’d love to hear about your experience of moving from helpful to impactful.
PSS: I’m switching from Substack to Kit because Substack is getting a bit too social-media-y.
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