Are you doing what needs to be done?
how to trust oneself more
Last Monday was a national holiday in Vietnam (founding King's day, 2500+ years ago). My friend Quynh invited a few of us to her place for some food. I wasn't too sure, as I had some work to finish.
I decided to go. I noticed that while others had clear exit times for their commitments, I lingered in the pleasure of casual conversation.
The air was filled with good food and better stories. Warm connections. Deep insights with wise friends.
Yet underneath all that comfort, there was this nagging sensation – a dull ache.
As we discussed meditation, my friend Minh, a father-preneur, shared something that stopped me cold.
"Meditation isn't about closing your eyes and breathing - it's about constantly checkin with yourself, 'Are you doing what needs to be done?'"
His words revealed a pattern I'd been ignoring. I'm not clear what needs to be done, and that feeling of going through a day without knowing what needs to be done is subtly quite painful.
The pain was that I broke promises I'd made to myself about tasks I wanted to complete.
Later that same day, I turned down a well-paying remote AI role that would have provided immediate comfort.
It would have pulled me off my long-term path.
And I helped a friend decline relocating her family for a job that felt "good enough" but not aligned with her vision.
What Breaking Self-Promises Costs You
The most dangerous comfort isn't the obvious kind – like Netflix binges or mindless scrolling.
It's the "good enough" choices that look reasonable on paper.
These quietly pull us away from our deeper purpose.
Breaking promises to yourself feels different than breaking them to others.
At first, it seems easier – no one else is disappointed.
But the costs add up in ways you might not notice until they've changed your life.
Last year, I kept promising myself I'd write daily for 30 minutes. I did kinda write, but didn't publish.
Each day I skipped felt like no big deal.
Six months later, I had finished zero essays while watching peers build audiences with consistent work. That didn't feel good.
If the way I treat myself is like the way I treat my client, I'd be fired waaay long ago.
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As my teacher Charles Davies says, "When you are doing what's needed, easy & hard doesn't matter"
Sometimes what needs to be done is challenging. Often, it's quite simple.
The key isn't difficulty. The key is alignment with your purpose.
When we feel that dull ache of misalignment, it's a signal.
Adjustment is needed.
The Right Question
Next time you find yourself in a situation of pleasant comfort that doesn't align with your deeper purpose, pause and ask:
"Am I doing what needs to be done?"
This week, choose just one small promise to yourself that you'll keep, no matter what.
Build that trust,
With care,
Khuyen
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