How to tell difficult truths
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Hello everyone,
I hope you are well. It's hard to read the news these days and not be affected. As someone who writes often, I am well aware of the difficulty of reporting in emotionally challenging times like this. The news has to carry some emotional sparks, but so often the industry is skewed to sensationalize events because that hook our lizard brains, hijacking our attention and therefore money. Yet you can't hide away the heinous stories that happened either. How to write and communicate about those events then? The Vietnamese Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, whose teaching has touched so many and whose voice can easily bring tears to my eyes, was confronted with that same question too. He recalls such situation in his book, The Art of Communicating:
"One day I was sitting with the regular [Times of India] editors in a meeting when news came in of a terrorist attack in Mumbai, near the Pakistan border, in which a lot of people had been killed.
The editors asked me, “If you were a journalist in our time, how would you report when there is so much bad news and so little good news. How should we be as journalists?” It’s a difficult question. Reporters have to report the news. But if journalists are writing only from the place of shock, fear, or outrage, they will report in a way that waters the fear and anger of the reader, possibly creating more violence. So what can we do when we receive such news?
Here he shares precious wisdom on communicating compassionately:
"I didn’t answer right away. I went back to my in-breath and out-breath, and I kept silent for a time, and they kept silent too. Then I said, “You have to tell the truth. But you have to report in such a way that we don’t water the seeds of fear, anger, and vengeance in people. So you have to sit as a practitioner and look deeply, and ask, ‘Why would someone do violence to innocent people?’” When you’ve looked deeply, you will see that those who do violence have a wrong perception of the situation. They’re so sure their perception is the truth. And they may think that if they also die in the explosion, they will go directly to heaven to join God." [...]
So I told the editors, “When you report on terrorist acts, use your compassion and deep understanding. Explain the story in such a way that the reader doesn’t become enraged and perhaps become another terrorist.” We can tell the truth, but we must help people understand. When people understand, their anger will lessen. They don’t lose hope, they know what to do and what not to do, what to consume and what not to consume in order not to continue this kind of suffering.
So my message that morning was that we should reflect and discuss events in a way that will not increase the despair and the anger in people. Instead, we can help them to understand why things happen, so their insight and compassion increase.
There are many books that will help with communication skills by teaching you techniques. This is not one of those. That's why it's an art. Your deep understanding will apply to every communication, not just the news reporter but also with our loved ones, friends, colleagues, even strangers.
Let's take a deep breath as you and I witness what happen in our world. Let us look deeply into the nature of our experience so that we can express what is true with compassion.
May you be well,
Khuyen
Sharing is sprouting.
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Why We Postpone What Matters Most
Speaking of communication, I want to thank those of you who have responded so wonderfully with my invitation to write & craft last week. The feedback has been so positive, both from people and even more from my own energy. I feel so much more energizzed, focus and aliveness that I want to extend to you.
You can join simply by picking a time here: Write & Craft Schedule.
Still unsure? Here I wrote a short piece to share some insights about why we postpone on what matters most.
We postpone the most important work because of external demands and inner confusion.
I don't need to say much about the former. We all have external demands, and the last thing we need is to compete on the macho game of who is busier. Indeed, there are certain external demands we all need to clear in order to focus on what matters most to us.
Yet what I've found is that inner confusion is what led to saying Yes to those unnecessary external demands in the first place. Because I don't really know how I feel about what I need now, I ended up doing something else to avoid that irky confusion. This runs from scrolling over endless newsfeed to watching random youtube videos to taking up a job you don’t really care about or being with someone you don’t want to be with but think you should…. Needless to say, it’s not very satisfying.
As a fellow confused, I can say that most often we hesitate because we are afraid of knowing what comes out when everything gets clear. We are afraid of what is true underneath all the layers of confusion and distractions.
This may sound counter intuitive at first. Of course we want to know what is true...
No. For the most parts of us, we don't.
How often do we postpone making a decision, either by saying or doing something, because we are afraid of the change it will inevitably bring, even when the deep wisdom in us already whispered to us many times?
Why is there so much resistance to taking the first step? David Whyte offers an insight: “Perhaps, because taking that step immediately leads to a kind of radical internal simplification, where, suddenly, large parts of us, parts of us that had been kept gainfully employed for years; parts of us we thought absolutely necessary to the story, are suddenly out of a job.”
These big parts of ourselves losing their jobs – keeping us safe and invulnerable, mostly - is exactly why they cause so much commotion. We experience that as “resistance.”
Mary Oliver said it way better in her poem The Journey
"One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
[...]"
When what is important becomes crystal clear, there is no more excuses to not follow it. Because it will hurt if not done. Because it’s a matter of personal integrity.
As Jim Dethmer from the Conscious Leadership Group speaks about in this video, anything that is out of integrity with oneself will result in a leak of aliveness. It will keep bugging us, because we are designed to steer towards maximum aliveness.
Which brings us to one paradox at the heart of the human story. We postpone doing the work that matters to us because we are afraid of uncovering what really matters. And it's uncovering because deep down we already know.
As an example, I have hesitated writing this invitation for a few days. I was afraid of knowing how much I love being an invitation to the world. I was afraid of the power these words might have. I was afraid of picking some words and omitting others, which is why I'm still writing this supposedly simple message after three hours.
I was afraid of sending it out to people because personally inviting someone is a darn vulnerable act. Yet I thought of you – the people I know or have yet to know - and how you too might enjoy this chance. I want to share that with you.
When we allow ourselves to feel deeply and thoroughly what has come into our being, whether it is a thought that came to mind, a sight of beauty caught on the street or an emotional encounter with someone, we change our future. David Whyte again writes, we do so "simply by living up to the consequences of knowing what we hold in our affections.”
How do you get clear? How do you feel things deeply? You sit on it, write it out or make things like drawing, singing or baking. Anything craft of your choice, really, which is why it's called Write & Craft.
(Of course you can also talk it aloud too, although it will help a lot if you can process it yourself first. You might not talk a lot at the session, but if you do want to, feel free to reach out to me by replying to this email).
It is about accountability Yes, you will get work done. Yes, you will be in flow and focus without much effort. Yes, you will meet with interesting friends. On a joyful note, it's like going to a work party. I did think of calling it Wine & Craft 😄.
And more. There is something about our shared presence that seems to bring out what is most alive in each of us, demanding us to let it come through. That's what I am most after.
Think of each session not so much a step closer to the goal, but an inch into a deeper commitment. To what is true, what is good, what is wholesome. For you. Trust me, it will be the same for the world too.
-------------------------------------
Feeling clearer now?
Pick a time on the schedule, write a note on what you intend to work on. That might change, but the mere act of writing it down will help.
I look forwards to working on important things with you and having lots of fun along the way,
Khuyen
p/s: Here is a testimony from Tran & Amelie if you want to hear.
Listening & Watching
What happens when you only pursue pleasures? - Alan Watts making a provocative point.
We don't really know what we want. That's why we run around confused.
The Simplest Way to Boost Your Productivity: I don't really do productivity p0rn, but this is a complete reimagining of productivity. Excelllent article, will change how you approach "getting more done with less". Hint: it's not about the work.
For those interested in history of Vietnam war from the perspective of Black soldiers, this new Netflix movie Da 5 Blood (trailer) is worthwhile. Highly recommended!
Lastly..
A prayer that I have been saying the last week
"I am willing to be lucky. To see magic in the simple moment. To experience the miracle of the ordinary".
May you be well,
Khuyen
p/s: Would you like some free coaching from me? I'm recording for a podcast for my coaching study and would love to feature you in it as a way to learn and share with other people who don't get a chance. You can watch an example episode here. Do reach out by a quick email "Hey I'm interested" You can read more here.