The Myth We Live By
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Happy Sunday everyone,
Here in Vietnam we are about to celebrate the new year of the Snake.
Yesterday, exactly one week before the new year's eve, was the celebration of the Kitchen Gods returning to Heaven (this we borrowed from the Chinese). Throughout the year, these gods oversee the family's health and sustainance (i.e in the kitchen) and now they are back to report the stage of our life to whoever Biggest God up there)
Families will cook a small meal for worship at noon and then and buy golden carp fish to set them free at the river.
As the story goes, the Kitchen Gods will rise those fish to be back into the sky because those fish.
I went to the market and was amazed by how big it was a deal here.
Curiosity aside, I do found the ritual of setting free the golden carp fish to be a profound one. I don't know whether that belief that those Gods exist is valid, but that's not the point.
I think there are two points here.
First, there are people whose worldview is that different and that there is a kind of sacred knowledge about that worldview that we don't know yet can appreciate. What if we are really overlooked by the more-than-human presence that is usually invisible to the eyes? What would living with built in dedication look like in the modern secular age? I find the belief that there is something kindly watching over my sustenance comforting.
Second, once we are aware of the myths others are living by, we can ask ourselves: what's our myth? Technological progress? Individual agency? We don't need to adopt this seemingly outdated, superstitious myth of Kitchen Gods to our life, but what's our myth?
(For those critical minds out there, you may find the system to be deeply problematic, that there are people catching the goldfish to sell them at the market so that they can be released. I hear you, but wait. Appreciate before criticize)
(For those who want to dig deeper into the story, the Myth of the Kitchen Gods is actually a heartbreaking love story. Read on here.)
(For those who are looking for rituals to adopt for this new year, check out my friend's great compilation, Which Ritual)
Cheers,
Khuyen
Sharing is sprouting.
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Quotes
"We strive not to fill in a void, a sense of lack. We strive to discover what else we have got and can give with our innate goodness. " - On Striving.
A personal realization as I wrote before Beyond Ambition. It has been coming back to me ever since as this is my most ambitious year of my life yet (writing a book, applying to PhD, helping a company grow while still having a good life). All of these goals are for the sake of living more fully and yes, to see what else can I continue to give?
Related: "If we know how much we always already enough, that no one can take away from us our inborn goodness... We will not spend that much time on self-doubt and anxiety and instead have so much to show up to the world."
"Trauma is any event that is too intense, too painful—emotionally or physically—or too confusing to be fully received. Trauma is when we cannot fully experience. [...] We cannot control aspect of experience except by tightening our body. "
Judith Blackstone, from Trauma and the Unbound Body.
I've been digging a bit into her work as I tip-toeing into the realm of embodiment. This definition of trauma is so precise and powerful that it makes me wonder "How much else are we holding in the body?"
Trauma doesn't have to be big. I remember being yelled at when I was young as a child (have you not?) That repression of fear has a constriction in my chest.
It took me a long while and dedicated inner work to not be triggered by someone raising their voice at me. I still got almost teared up when I heard yelling. As adult, we begin to feel that sometimes our ingrained past is holding us back. We begin to look deeper into our childhood upbringing with an intention of healing because heck, who grows up without being untouched?
You can listen to an interview with her here.
Reading
On Desire vs Craving: a common confusion in Westernized Buddhist teaching
by my digital neighbor Romeo Steven.
Context: I realized how much I've been held back by the Buddhist teaching of "desire is suffering". On another end the individualistic culture encourages our individual self to "follow your passion and pursue what you want). That has been totally confusing to say the least, and I found this distinction to be so liberating.
"Desire is suffering" is a terribly misleading translation. We're not trying to enter some sort of desire-less l̶o̶b̶o̶t̶o̶m̶y̶ exalted state. We're trying to distinguish causal patterns in perception and use that knowledge to discern less skillful from more skillful patterns. In Buddhist parlance this would be discerning (as distinct from judging, which carries a moral/normative flavor) a 'wholesome' desire from craving. And the normative distinction is important because 'wholesome' is best interpreted as 'coming from an integrated accounting of your preferences' rather than good/bad. Craving, in contrast, is compulsive and not endorsed on reflection of your full preferences.
If you examine a desire closely, wholesomeness shows up as nonspecific in time or outcome. Eg it might be nice to have lunch with this friend, maybe I will ping them. If it doesn't happen today, that's fine. If it doesn't wind up happening with this specific friend but some other plan evolves out of the intention that's fine. You can just directly notice that there is little to no suffering associated with this sort of open intention for something nice to happen.
Craving is usually highly specific and associated with negative feelings and sensations. If you examine a compulsive craving it feels like 'I am going to feel bad until I get this specific thing.' Now, what would our response be if this part of ourselves were an external person? What if a friend or roommate came and informed us that they were going to make us miserable until we got them something? We'd immediately recognize this as highly toxic. Yet somehow we don't recognize doing it to ourselves. Identifying with the process has hidden an obvious dynamic from us.
Related: Danielle Laporte has a good song about Desire as the Gateway.
Listening
An amazing and passionate rendering of all the thing body! By a teacher whose groundedness and business-savviness I admire.
Lastly..
Last week, I asked "What do you wish people know more (or ask you more) about you?"
For some of you who responded last week: thanks! The purpose of the question is simple: now you know what you want to be known for, we cannot wait to ask you... you've got to begin telling us. 😁
This week is another question: "What do you most admire in some other people (and sometimes wish you had more of)?"
Write back to me the answer to this one question and I'll tell you why!
Have a great week everyone,
Khuyen
p/s: Do reach out general conversations about life. I'd love to be helpful.