The Magic of AWWWW 😄

View this email in your browser.
Forwarded by a dear friend? You can receive the Enzyme directly by subscribing here.

Hello everyone,

This week, I want to share with you a short piece I wrote about making mistakes and judging yourself harshly. It came from a conversation with an amazing talented friend who has a high expectation of herself. She struggles with seeing her ambition falling further and further away from her. Life feels like a huge letdown, a gradual falling apart of everything she wants.

As I listen to her, I realize how much I admire people like that who take on a lot of responsibility to grow and develop. People like you.

I want to support that, but not by making you even more responsible. That you probably already have in plenty. To do well and achieve, you've got to do things seriously, right?

Yes, and taking up responsibility is not the only way to grow. You can also accidentally and somewhat playfully become a person whom you only later deem to be "better".

If you have done any creative project (assembling an IKEA chair doesn't count), you know that creativity cannot be forced on demand. A creative moment has its own life cycle, and sometimes what the real work requires is to just show up.

Otto Scharmer, the author of Theory U methodology for social change and transformation, once observes in this video.

"What happens at the beginning of the creative process? Nothing.

And as a professional, what do you do? You wait."

To force it to conform to a predetermined form is to squeeze the baby. Yet, that's the most counter-intuitive thing for the responsible hard worker. To translate that in the personal context, if you see yourself as a creative project (and you may very well be one by the Creator), you are doing yourself a great disservice by having a great expectation, a kind of psychological harness, too early.

In the pursuit of a desired excellence, we maybe missing the capacity to be playful.

"What's the point of being playful?", you ask. The easy answer is that it boost mental well-being, joy, creativity, all the the "soft" stuff that is not easily quantifiable.

The better and more honest is answer is that playfulness itself has little to do with survival. Rather, it gives meaning to survival.

Yet, the capacity to tap into our lighthearted wisdom when we are at the darkest and most difficult moment, not as a way to escape the pain but to give it the far-out perspective, is very much needed when we later look back on our experiences.

This week, let me share with you some of those lightheartedness.

Happy new week,

Khuyen

The magic of AWWW

One simple but powerful technique I learn from the mighty aunt-like colleague Mai Khoi is to be able to say to myself whenever my inner critic begins to ruminate about something silly and stupid I just did.

"Aww that's so adorable! I see what you are trying to do there"

Sometimes I see my friends doing this cute bánh bèo face AWWWWWW that stirs my baby-loving instinct behind my usual solemn face. Not so deep down, I'm deeply jealous: I want to do that awwwwww too.

Especially to myself. Which, as many of us know growing up in this culture of work hard to get the reward, is the hardest thing to do.

Example: "Aww that's so adorable. I see you trying hard to impress someone you like... awww your effort is admirable."

This is no simply positive thinking puffing yourself BS. It's advanced trickstery. Apply at your own risk (and high potential reward 😛)

The trick is to say that "AWWWWWW" loooong and melloooow enough to melt any psychological bricks that stand between the terrible mess you think you are and the loveliness of who you really are.

Stop and practice now coz you can't learn it from reading.

AWW

AWWW

AWWWW

AWWWWWW

Now that you've got this AWWWW magic spell under your spell, time to try that out.

First cast that on your Mr Inner Critic: "Awwwwwww, you Mr Inner Critic are so caring! I see what you have been trying to do there, preventing me from losing faces and holding myself to high standard. Awwwwwwww thank you"

Then try on Ms Shy & Scared "Awwwwwww I see you Mr Shy & Scared ... I see you are trying to protecting me from humiliating myself. Awwwwww thank you" (this one is pretty challenging for me personally. Workin' on it)

To good to be true? The magic is in the practice.

You may think that this AWWWW spell will banish the annoying Mr Inner Critic from your life and earn you an A for Defense Against the Dark Parts class.

But that's underestimating its power. What this spell really does, provided that we practice it regularly, is to strengthen you enough to go into such Dark Parts.

"Why bother?", you ask. 🤔

You know why people are attracted to the dark? Coz it has magical power! Translating this to your personal context, it means attending to the neglected or hated part of us - softness, weakness, laziness - with a bit more kindness.

Seriously though, many of us do have a perfectionist streak, and whenever I have some small humiliation such as saying something I shouldn't have said or forgetting to express something important, I feel closer to the fallible human side. If I know how to look behind the initial irritation of a mistake, I know I'll find a sense of common humanity.

Because to err is to be human.

And to celebrate your errors is to be formally inducted to the prestigious "Society of Mutual Blunders". It's the highest achievement of your growth to be a full person in this world.

p/s: this post came from jumping out of bed after spoiling my sleep from ruminating on some silly things I did. Don't say I don't walk my talk 😜(and please don't follow my footstep, go to sleep...)

p/s: Interested? Consider doing this Inner Critics Assessment. .

Sharing is sprouting.
If you have been forwarded this newsletter, feel free to subscribe to it here

Quotes I'm contemplating this week

“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour.” - Stephen M.R. Covey

A helpful reminder for us to understand and be kinder with others, to see them with generous eyes .

If the shortcuts worked as promised, they wouldn’t be shortcuts, would they? They’d be the standard.

A shortcut is not an innovation. It’s not a direct path, either. Those work, but they require effort, risk and insight.

If you can’t afford the time and effort to do it right, you probably can’t afford to do it over after you realize that the shortcut was merely a trap.
- Seth Godin blog

I've found Seth's punchy insights to be so powerful. Amazing how much power the crispy language can have.

"Humor in this case also means panoramic awareness, a feeling of space, of openness. A lot of stories from the Buddhist scriptures tell us that the work of bodhisattvas failed because they were lacking in a sense of humor. They have been too honest, too deadly serious in their application of the teachings." Chogyam Trungpa in Work, Sex, Money: real life on the path of mindfulness

An explanation of this week's unusual fun fun tone. 😅

Lastly..

Do reach out for the Inner Critic Assessment or general conversations about life. I'd love to be helpful.