Hola... Vietnam?!
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Note: Usually I don't write too much personal updates, but this time the move is rather big, and I wanted you all to know and celebrate my next uncertain steps in Vietnam 😉
In the sky, on the airplane across the globe, from Boston to Hanoi.
The last month I’ve been focusing on closure, saying Hello and Goodbye to friends as I was to leave America to Colombia. People can tell how excited I am about the next adventures there: new friends, new place, new culture, potential partnership and collaboration: everything sounds way too exciting.
There is one barrier though: I haven’t got a Colombian visa approval yet. Which made me feel like sitting on fire: I will have to be out of America on Monday Jan 15th, and the Colombian flight is already booked.
Wed 11:55p evening,
My phone rang, a new number from Vietnam. I got a phone call from the Colombian Consulate there telling me in person that they couldn’t give me the visa because I’m technically illegal in America. They wanted to tell me in person first so that I could prepare to cancel flight and all.
I took a deep breath, noticing a slight annoyance. Overall though, I was accepting. “Ok, I’ll have to go back to Vietnam first then”. It’s not the ideal case, since it would take more time to get to Colombia and the flight would cost more.
One person is very very happy with this news: my mom. We haven’t seen each other for 18 months, and you know mother often misses son more than the other way around. To add to the hilarity of the situation, consider this: last year, my mom was worried “I heard from many people that it’s very hard to find a job after graduation and stay in America. Do you have a chance?”. Guess what she told me yesterday? “Thanks goodness you have the luck to leave now, America this year will have a lot of trouble”.
Maybe she was right. After 4.5 years away from home, maybe it’s time to take a break, come back and chill.
I laughed at her drastic change of mind, and it somehow made me glad about the bad news. I’ll get to explore around in Vietnam and South East Asia, to revisit old ties for a month while waiting for the Colombia visa.
Thursday 1p, Pacific time.
“SOLICITUD DE VISA: NEGATA”
It can be interesting to read denial letters, especially when you have known the news beforehand and come to terms with it. Unlike the fancy college admission “This year we received [big number] of very competitive applicants, and you are an amazing candidate BUT we regret to inform you”, visa denial letter is mostly generated by an automated system.
I skimmed through it and discovered a small fine print at the end of the email: “You cannot re-apply for visa in the next 6 months”
Ahhhhhhhh. PHEW. Facepalm moment.
Laughter has recently become my default response to life absurdities like this. Plan A (stay in America) didn’t work out. Plan B (go to Colombia) didn’t work out. Neither did Plan C (go back to Vietnam first for a month). It’s time for plan Z: go to Vietnam and find cool stuff to do.
A mentor responded after I messaged him the news.
“Seriously, perhaps your flightiness and attempt to escape and chasing the next adventure doesn’t work for now. It seems that you have to be with South East Asia and whatever you have a hard time being with there. Perhaps some debts of gratitude and service needs to be deeply rendered before you can be released”
It took me a few hours to fully accept it, first by laughing, then by sitting still with the discomfort, then feel the pain of letting go, then feel the joy of the responsibility that I am bestowed with.
Where am I now: enthusiasm.
A few days ago, I was anxiously waiting. A few hours ago, I was annoyed. A few minutes ago, I was accepting. Now, I’m eager to start the new adventure.
It’s quite amazing to experience how fast those shifts happen. In theory U language, it’s called the presencing moment.
Several times before in my life I have had this feeling of unmistakable confidence, a premonition that I know exactly what the next step should be.
The pattern has repeated itself so often that I had a goosebump when I first read it on Ribbonfarm (see Hacker’s story, “the reluctant rebel who will lead because nobody else will”. Highly recommended for those who needed some insights)
Usually I would have a lot of resistance, and I’d need a metaphorical whack in the head to finally realize this. This time, a wise word from a mentor was enough to get me ready and excited.
I have a vision to commit to for the next six months: to help weave a thriving community of social change agents. Having done it several times in school, I know this time a similar pattern is going to play out, albeit in a different and more challenging context. Amazing people will show up along the way, we will constantly surprise ourselves by our collective genius, and the ending will be beautiful, satisfying and unfinished, because nothing is ever done.
2018 is already quite promising huh?
Last but not least, I’m home. It’s SO STRANGE to be back, some sort of a reverse culture shock, which is actually really nice. Even speaking the language feels strange. But my mom’s head feels good, my nephew is hilarious, and we have a sense of humor in our family for the first time now. So it's promising.
Anyway, here is a picture of Mr Nephew, 2.8 year old, self-measuring 35lbs, future comedian.
The Enzyme won't be complete without some sort of musings, and going home certainly whips up a lot of creamy thoughts on life that I wanted to share, so read on for an excerpt.
Freedom from the fear of home.
In a sense, this visa denial episode forced me to confront a big fear, one that many young people who have gone away from home know well enough: the fear of being stuck in old patterns.
Over-intrusive family, bad weather, pollution, lack of opportunities, etc…, all those so-called “negative” stuff. Yet, as the parable of the lost horse goes, life is not as easy to categorize as “positive” and “negative”. These are human-made category. Which is why our greatest fear of the negative may also point us to the place of most powerful potential to transform.
Speaking of being stuck, any immigrant leaves home for the same reason: freedom.
The new land promises a better life, one that is free from old patterns. Yet, think about how many people who feel liberated at first after quitting job, breaking up with old partner or leaving to a new country. Many soon report feeling trapped again, unfulfilled. How do we make sense of this?
To me, it’s not the new land that promises freedom, it’s the act of choosing, whether it is to leave or to stay. The choice to stay, for example, strengthens commitment. The more committed we are, the more free we become in its pursuit. They are not opposite but rather two sides of the same coin. Both commitment and freedom lead to an important idea: belonging.
See the full post here on Medium.
Sharing is sprouting.